


Long Nights And Daydreams

by citys127



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, JaeDo, Light Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, dojae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23630410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citys127/pseuds/citys127
Summary: Jaehyun had this big grin on his lips as he recounted those long nights spent with Doyoung, daydreaming of becoming something more.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 19
Kudos: 127





	Long Nights And Daydreams

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i am back in like less than a week with another fic that doesn't have smut and relies heavily on the plot this time lol ive had this in my drafts for like a year now and jus finished it earlier so here :D this was originally going to be markhyuck but i decided that dojae fits this more 
> 
> this is based off troye sivan's strawberries & cigarettes and was supposed to be jus a short one-shot but here we are with 11.9k words. once again this is unbeta-ed so sorry in advance if there are grammatical errors or typos i tried my best to proofread it all.
> 
> jus a quick reminder:
> 
> italicized text- character's thoughts  
> bold text- their text messages  
> bold & italicized text- flashback 
> 
> i also highly recommend listening to ben & ben while reading this hehe  
> enjoy <3

It was around the start of Jaehyun's freshman year of college, Doyoung was a sophomore then. Both of them were still adjusting to the new environment and the new people they were surrounded with. Doyoung's roomate and best friend since forever, Taeyong, had invited Doyoung and a plus one of his choice to a frat party that was hosted by some popular senior he couldn't remember the name of. Jaehyun headed to Doyoung's dorm to pick him up. What he didn't expect however was the older to be dressed in a grey hoodie (which belonged to Jaehyun may he add), black ripped jeans and some sneakers to complete his outfit. And to top it all off, he was completely bare-faced with his fluffy hair hidden underneath his hoodie. Doyoung didn’t look dressed for a party but Jaehyun thought he looked cute regardless so it doesn’t matter. Jaehyun tried to ignore how tiny and huggable Doyoung looks right now along with his sweater paws that have his fingers poking out. ( _Read: tried._ ) That’s probably why half of his hoodies were missing, all of them just somehow became Doyoung's property as well. The thought of kissing Doyoung has never crossed Jaehyun's mind but now it was the only thing he could think about. Doyoung seems to notice Jaehyun's lack of words and waved his hand in front of his face making him snap out of his train of thoughts. 

  
“You know, asking permission to borrow things that don’t belong to them is trendy these days.”   
Jaehyun commented sarcastically, as they started to walk towards the car.

  
“Oh really? It must be the age gap then and your hoodies are very comfortable plus, they smell like you.” Doyoung retorted as he stepped in the passenger seat. Jaehyun ignored the fact that Doyoung basically called him a hag despite being older than him and instead tried to calm the rapid beating of his heart. Doyoung giggled at the other’s flustered reaction causing Jaehyun to flush in a light shade of pink. Jaehyun thinks it’s unfair how Doyoung can induce such a reaction on him. Jaehyun scoffed lightly with no actual malice and climbed onto the driver’s seat. He started the ignition and off they go. He drove towards their destination with the stereo blasting some Queen, one of Doyoung's favorite bands. He spared small glances towards the older and saw him nodding his head along to Somebody To Love while eating the lollipop that he had opened midway through the ride. 

He parked somewhere nearby the house and stepped out of the car alongside Doyoung. Doyoung immediately linked their arms together before entering the house filled with loud and drunk teenagers. Jaehyun has never felt such an urgency to protect the other. It was no secret that they're both very affectionate and initiate skinship with each other often. They've been doing it for so long that it just became natural between the two of them but somehow Jaehyun can't fight the butterflies swarming in his stomach as Doyoung clung to him. He quickly brushed off this thought as they eased their way into the crowd with Jaehyun's arm now wrapped securely around Doyoung's waist, sending Doyoung's heart to overdrive. They passed by some of their friends, muttering hellos and sharing small waves. They both finally reached the kitchen and took a seat on the chairs that surrounded the kitchen island. Jaehyun grabbed two red plastic cups and filled it halfway with beer mixed with some apple juice, well-aware that the both of them didn't really like alcohol that much. The entire house was pretty much vibrating with how loud the music was playing. They can both feel the bass of the song on the sole of their feet. 

A couple of hours have passed by and everyone was far gone and wasted by this point except for Doyoung and Jaehyun who were still just slightly tipsy but sober enough to go home without getting a driving violation. They were rambling about nothing and everything there is to talk about. Neither of them left each other's side and just easily found comfort in the other's company which kind of goes against the sole purpose of social gatherings like these but they could care less. Some people were already going home or puking in a corner making Doyoung grimace and feel a tiny bit of pity for the person who has to clean this all up. They both headed to the porch, feeling a bit bored and suffocated inside the house. Jaehyun took a cigarette out of his back pocket and lit it, blowing smoke rings into the air. Jaehyun couldn't help but stare at the raven haired boy with his slightly tousled hair and plump lips, his features illuminated beautifully by the moonlight. 

"Stop staring at me, Jae. Is my zit really that obvious?" Doyoung joked, appearing to be somewhat tense and nervous at the sudden attention, catching Jaehyun off guard a bit. 

"You just look really cute today." Jaehyun replied confidently, the alcohol pumping through his veins removing all of his inhibitions. 

  
"I look cute everyday." Doyoung corrected and immediately regained his composure. Jaehyun could only chuckle in agreement, eyes never leaving the other, watching as he shifts under his gaze. 

"Hey, wanna bail this place?" Jaehyun asked all of a sudden while stomping on his cigarette and pocketing his lighter. Doyoung looked up this time, throwing a small smile towards Jaehyun. The thick air dissipated, now replaced with something warmer. 

"I thought you'd never ask." 

Doyoung took Jaehyun's hand gingerly as they drove away to anywhere really. It was nearly two in the morning but neither of them had plans to depart just yet. Eventually they ended up at some random playground that wasn’t really that far away from the university. They laid down on the grass and gazed at the beautiful night sky as the stars twinkled. Jaehyun played with Doyoung's hand subconsciously, calming his nerves as the latter just stared deep in thought. 

  
“What’s on your mind?” Jaehyun asked finally settling with just interlocking their hands. 

  
“Nothing.” Doyoung replied after a short pause, closing his eyes as he heaved a sigh. 

“Deep.”

Doyoung snorted at that and nudged on Jaehyun arm jokingly. 

“I’m being serious. What’s going on inside your head that forced your non-existent brain cells to collide?” Jaehyun roared with laughter as Doyoung pinched his side making him wince in pain. They both settled down shortly after that, the question still hanging in the air. 

“Goddamn it, Yunoh. You’re making it so hard for me.” Jaehyun grinned at the nickname, the older finally meeting his gaze. 

“Hard for you to what?” Jaehyun pried the other to continue what he was saying with a suggestive smile, his dimples poking out making Doyoung's insides melt into a puddle. 

“You’re making it very hard for me not to kiss you.” The last part came in barely above a whisper but Jaehyun heard it loud and clear. Jaehyun thought that maybe that was the alcohol talking even if they barely drank a drop. He chuckled a bit, assuming that it was another one of his snarky comments that he doesn't understand or he might’ve just heard it all wrong but Doyoung looked serious making Jaehyun straighten up. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t thinking about kissing the other all day too. Doyoung looked flustered and has his cheeks tinted in a bright shade of pink. 

  
A random playground wasn’t exactly the most romantic place in Doyoung's list but hey, he’ll take what he can get. Someone must’ve put something in his drink earlier because his sudden rush of confidence completely disappeared just as quickly as it was there. Doyoung sat up and quickly averted his gaze, away from the younger, the view of the swings swaying back and forth appearing to be more interesting than the mess that he would like to call his feelings. He felt the blood rush to his face and immediately regretted ever saying anything. Doyoung considered three options. First, run away from his problems (the main problem being Jeong Jaehyun and his stupidly attractive face). Second, migrate to Europe, start a new life and transfer to a new school. Maybe even change his name to Charlie or something. He felt Jaehyun shift on the grass to sit opposite to him. Jaehyun tried to pry Doyoung's hands that were still covering his flushed face, distracting Doyoung from his game plan of running away out of embarrassment. He refused to look at the younger's scrutinizing stare. Yep, Doyoung thinks that out of all of the lowest moments in his life, this was the peak. He wanted to sew his mouth shut to stop him from saying even more stupid shit. He heard the other laugh softly, still trying to make Doyoung face him. _How on earth can he even laugh at this situation? I'm in the middle of a crisis and he's just laughing at my suffering._ He scrambled out of his thoughts when he felt a sudden kiss on the back of his hand. He jumped in shock, letting out a tiny squeak, flushing to an even darker shade of red if that was possible. He felt tingly on the spot where Jaehyun had kissed. He's pretty sure that if it was a tattoo there would be a Jaehyun shaped kiss mark embedded permanently on the back of his hand. 

"You're so adorable when you’re shy." Doyoung can't see but he can definitely feel Jaehyun flashing a cheeky smile at him.

  
"Fuck you." He felt another soft kiss planted on his face. This time on his forehead making him yelp in surprise. He can feel his heart beating out of his ribcage. He was scared that maybe even Jaehyun could hear it beating.

"If you don't look at me I'm gonna continue peppering your face with kisses." Jaehyun threatened. Doyoung weighed his options, not really seeing a scenario where he would win. He still wanted to go home with some ounce of dignity so he politely obliged to Jaehyun's request. He removed his hands from his face with a pout residing on his lips, still avoiding eye contact as if his life depended on it. But of course, Jaehyun just had to ruin that. The latter grabbed his chin gently, forcing Doyoung to look at him, not having any other choice. Doyoung froze on the spot, looking like a deer caught in headlights, his brain going haywire. Doyoung swore that he felt the time stop just for him and Jaehyun. Soon enough, the gap between Jaehyun and Doyoung were closed and their lips were now connected. It still hasn't registered to Doyoung that he was being _kissed by Jeong Jaehyun what the actual fuck?_ Doyoung felt like he was on cloud nine and he didn’t want to go down. He has never imagined kissing Jaehyun to feel like this. It was beyond anything that he could ever think of. It was addicting in a good way. Jaehyun's lips were soft and his kiss was gentle, there was no rush. Doyoung didn’t miss the smile that started to curl from Jaehyun's lips against his and the thumb that was now caressing his cheek. Jaehyun broke the kiss before it got too heated but, Doyoung seems to be full of surprises today because he quickly lunged forward to reconnect the kiss before Jaehyun can even pull apart. This time the kiss was deeper, perhaps hungrier. As if they were craving to do this for a long time. Doyoung laced his arms around Jaehyun loosely while the other pulled him impossibly closer till he was almost sitting on his lap. Jaehyun bit Doyoung's bottom lip, coaxing his mouth open. Doyoung relented with a moan as their tongues fought for dominance. Doyoung can taste the bitterness of the cigarette that Jaehyun lit not too long ago but didn’t dare break the kiss. That is until their lungs started to complain at the lack of oxygen circulating in their body. They pulled apart, breathless but with a glint of something in their eyes. 

  
“You look really dumb right now.” Doyoung snickered with a smirk gracing his lips. Jaehyun snorted with a dopey smile on his face and shoved him playfully 

  
“You’re making it very hard for me not to kiss you.” Jaehyun imitated Doyoung's voice making the older seize his sides. Jaehyun was a giggling mess and so was Doyoung. They felt happy and careless. 

  
They both finally pulled apart and tried to catch their breaths. They were panting a bit from laughing too hard, their cheeks hurt from how big their smiles were but their hearts were full.

  
Eventually they rode back to their dorms with a comfortable silence lingering in the air, both unsure of what to label their relationship now after what just happened. The only thing certain is that they didn’t hate whatever that was nor did they regret it. Neither of them got a wink of sleep that night and when the next day rolled around they simply acted as if nothing even happened as if they made a silent agreement to never bring that topic up. Unbeknownst to either of them, they got a lot touchier and stole occasional kisses here and there which definitely didn’t go unnoticed by their group of friends. 

“What?” 

“You and Jaehyun definitely got... closer.” Jungwoo squinted his eyes while taking another bite from his chicken sandwhich. 

The two shared a puzzled expression before looking back at the boy sitting perpendicular to them. 

“What do you mean?” The older of the two asked, raising an eyebrow to show his confusion. 

“You two are impossible.” Jungwoo said dismissively while shaking his head. 

  
“You two are literally holding hands for pete’s sake.” Taeyong piped in while making a disgusted expression, taking a seat beside Jungwoo and neatly placing his tray on the table. Jaehyun tried to defend himself but before he can even argue, he was immediately shut down by Taeyong.

  
“Don’t even try to deny it, we can literally see it under the table.” Taeyong added.

  
"We do this all the time though." Doyoung objected and casually rested his head on Jaehyun's shoulder. Jaehyun on the other hand, stopped paying attention to the conversation, conceding defeat and just resumed on eating his lunch while still holding onto Doyoung's hand. 

"You guys are sickening! Sickening I tell you!" Yuta was the one who chimed in this time, making fake gagging noises while gesturing at the two.

The five of them continuously bickered after that but the topic was never really brought up again as the group just got used to their dynamics as time passed. 

__

Doyoung attempted to sneak into their dorm room after another night of making out with Jaehyun but clearly, nothing can ever get past Taeyong. Just as Doyoung was about to head to his room, the lights suddenly flickered on and sure enough Taeyong was seated on the recliner like some Disney antagonist. He was busted, Phineas and Ferb style. “So are you planning to tell me why you and Jaehyun suddenly did a 180 and became from friends to lovers?” Taeyong raised an eyebrow. Doyoung rolled his eyes. “We’re not an AO3 trope, Tae.” Taeyong sighed, knowing that it was going to take a whole lot of prying and digging before he can get Doyoung to open up. “That’s literally besides the point. Doyoung, I know you like him.” Doyoung's eyes look like they were about to jump out of his eye sockets. “What? Are you out of your mind?” Doyoung said, trying to convince himself more than Taeyong really. Taeyong gave him an unamused look. “We’ve literally known each other since diapers! Do you really expect me to not notice you staring at him like he was the eighth wonder of the world?” Doyoung really hated how Taeyong can act like his mom sometimes. “I don’t wanna meddle but I just hope you know what you’re doing. I care about you.” Doyoung took a seat on their small couch, sighing loudly in defeat. “God, what do I do?” Doyoung gave in eventually, staring at the ceiling and then back at Taeyong, seeing no point in arguing anymore. Doyoung would’ve honestly preferred Taeyong looking at him in mockery rather than in sympathy. He just doesn’t think it’s at all that worth worrying about. “Now, I know what you’re thinking, my personal problems aren’t at all that worth worrying about,” Okay, now Doyoung was scared that Taeyong was actually reading his mind. He stared at him for good measure while thinking of the most random thing ever. Seeing that Taeyong only looked back at him in confusion, his doubts were clarified. “I know you’re trying to test if I’m a mind reader or not and I am not. I’m just a good observer and you’re just painfully obvious. ” Doyoung blushed profusely at that. “I am not obvious!” Doyoung tried to argue.

“Whatever, just know that your problems are worth worrying about, okay? You’ve got to stop thinking so less of yourself and are you planning to tell Jaehyun soon? Because you probably should.” Oh, how Doyoung despised facing his problems, specially ones that involve his unstable emotions. “I’ve considered it,” Doyoung fidgeted with his thumbs and looked away, “but, I rather not do it.”

“What? Why not?” Taeyong asked quietly. “Because I’m scared, Taeyong.”   
Doyoung replied in the smallest voice. It was like when kids complained about seeing monsters in their closets or under their bed when it doesn’t really exist except no matter how much time passes or how much Doyoung would grow up his feelings for Jaehyun is something that he knows will never cease to exist. This vulnerable side of him is something that he wants to keep hidden forever because he hates feeling weak. It’s the side of him that he allows only Taeyong to see after decades of spending time with each other and building a strong bond. “Well, you have to try, Doyoung. Even if you say that this is some sort of ‘no strings attached’ thing to Jaehyun, this still matters to you and that _is_ something.” Doyoung appreciates Taeyong's concern and worries, really he’s glad to have someone watch over him and actually care but, this is something for him to decide on. Even if Jaehyun can’t reciprocate the same feelings Doyoung is harboring, it won’t matter because he would rather have whatever this is than nothing at all. Doyoung didn’t respond anymore signaling that this conversation was over, for now at least. Taeyong bid him goodnight and turned off the lights, leaving Doyoung be in his thoughts. 

  
That event was approximately three months ago. Here they were now, with Jaehyun pulling on the brakes and parking in front of the building where Doyoung's dorm room was located. He quickly sent a text to the boy and in no less than 5 minutes, Doyoung was already seated on the passenger seat as Jaehyun stepped on the gas pedal. They drove at a relatively slow pace as Doyoung constantly switched the radio channels before finally settling on Put Your Head On My Shoulder by Paul Anka, again, one of Doyoung's favourite picks. Jaehyun eventually halted to a stop at the side of the road, putting his car on hazard before Doyoung climbed onto his lap and nuzzled on the crook of his neck, sighing deeply, letting himself be engulfed by Jaehyun's warmth. Jaehyun smelled like pancakes and hot coffee on a Sunday morning. It made Doyoung feel at home somehow. It helped calm his nerves greatly. He hummed contently as Jaehyun rubbed soothing circles on his back, singing along to How Deep Is Your Love by Bee Gees softly on Doyoung's ear making him melt. He pressed small kisses on Jaehyun's neck, hands loosely tangling on the knots of Jaehyun's hair.

"You're such a big baby." Jaehyun joked while pinching one of Doyoung's cheeks. 

  
"I'm not. I'm literally older than you." Doyoung denied with his signature pout, his eyebrows meeting and his nose scrunching up a bit. Jaehyun tried not to coo at the sight of Doyoung looking like a bunny. 

  
"You are."

  
"Am not."

  
"You are."

  
"Am-" 

  
Doyoung was cut off with Jaehyun sealing their lips together. Doyoung gasped but eventually relaxed into the kiss as the older continuously explored his mouth, licking the roof and tugging gently on his bottom lip. Jaehyun has memorized all of the right buttons to push like the back of his hand by this point. A whine made it's way out of Doyoung's mouth as the latter relentlessly teased him. Jaehyun nibbled on Doyoung's ear making him shudder and then proceeded to pepper his jaw with soft kisses causing the giggles to erupt from Doyoung's mouth. They both pulled apart, breathless, lips swollen from kissing too long and their hair messy from threading their hands into. The two stared at each other with stars in their eyes, enjoying the calm ambience that filled the air. Doyoung and Jaehyun basically made a silent agreement to meet up every Tuesday 1am sharp where they would just talk and maybe kiss here and there to make up for the times where their schedules don't match or when they were too busy and caught up with work. 

  
"You really think that kissing always solves the problem, don't you?”

  
"Well it worked, didn't it?" Jaehyun replied and gave Doyoung's lips another peck.

  
"Did Professor Lee give you another low mark in his class? You seem worn out today." Jaehyun then asked, his voice laced with concern, watching the latter visibly relax as he traced smooth patterns at the back of Doyoung's hand. 

"It's not my fault his lessons are so boring that I could use it as a lullaby. Trust me, once you have him as your professor you'll understand my suffering." Doyoung groaned, spilling anecdotes about his somewhat eventful week and Jaehyun made sure to listen to him attentively, not missing a single syllable and even bursting out in tiny fits of laughter at the other's slight exaggerations. 

  
"I think it's time for us to head back. We still have morning classes tomorrow- well, later." Jaehyun glanced at his watch and it was indeed 4 o'clock in the morning. They have about 3 more hours before classes start. Doyoung made a noise of disagreement but reluctantly agreed anyways, transferring back to his original seat, already missing the warmth that Jaehyun radiated. 

  
"By we you mean me. How come you get the good schedules and the good teachers. This is a hate crime." 

  
"Not my fault that I’m just incredibly lucky." Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders with a smug grin plastered on his face. Doyoung let out a small 'hmph' and put his seatbelt on as Jaehyun started to drive back.

  
"Hell, you even got me as your best friend." Doyoung joked.

  
Jaehyun's heart ached at the term. Best friend. Nothing more. He hated himself for such a selfish thought when he knew himself that he didn't know if he was ready for something more or where he should draw the line between such labels. He knows they’re standing on a thin thread. Jaehyun could only chuckle lightly as they spent the rest of the car ride back in silence. Jaehyun spared glances at Doyoung's now sleeping figure, his cheek leaning against the car window, his mouth slightly ajar with some saliva dripping from it. Jaehyun smiled fondly and pulled on the brakes, parking in front of Doyoung's building. Jaehyun undid his seatbelt and went to do the same for Doyoung as well, not having the heart to wake him up. He stepped outside of the car and went to Doyoung's side, opening the door and carrying him bridal style. Jaehyun noticed that he almost weighed like nothing. He makes a mental note to tell Doyoung to pay more attention to his eating habits. He shut the car door with his foot and walked all the way to Doyoung's dorm. He knocked on the door twice with his right hand and thanked all the gods that Taeyong was a light sleeper. He placed Doyoung gently on the couch and tucked him in. He brushed some of the hair off Doyoung's face and when Taeyong wasn't looking (even though he definitely saw it) gave him one last tiny kiss on the forehead before heading out. 

__

  
"So how was your make out session with your boyfriend?" Taeyong inquired smugly. 

"Taeyong, how many times do I have to tell you that Jaehyun is not my boyfriend?" 

"Yet." Taeyong teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively as he brewed his morning coffee. Ever since Taeyong knew about the slight development between Doyoung and Jaehyun's relationship, he hasn’t let Doyoung hear the end of it.

“You know what, whatever floats your boat.” Doyoung said, defeated, too lazy for their morning bickering.

“You know you’re gonna have to tell him eventually.” Taeyong reminded him for the umpteenth time from their mini kitchen.

“Tell him what?” Doyoung asked dumbly. He knew exactly what Taeyong was talking about but he would rather not confront it. Not yet at least. 

“You know what I’m talking about.” Taeyong entered the living room, this time looking at Doyoung with worry. 

“I’ll tell him at the right time. Not now, Tae.” Doyoung sighed solemnly, putting a pillow on his face, thinking that dying from asphyxiation through this pillow would be better than getting rejected by his best friend.

“That’s what you’ve been saying since the start of the year. Whatever, you know waiting around and suppressing everything is going to make it worse. I’ll head out first. He might not be as patient in waiting unlike you.” Taeyong said dismissively before stepping out of their dorm. Doyoung knew that Taeyong only cared about him but he just wasn’t ready. He doesn’t know when he’ll ever be ready but not now. He’s still too scared to lose what they have all of because of some chemicals in his brain telling him he’s in love. 

  
Doyoung groaned in annoyance, pulling his blanket over his head and succumbing deeper into the couch, pushing all of his thoughts and doubts to the back of his mind. That was all future Doyoung's problem to deal with. Doyoung cursed at himself for sleeping on the way home (although it's not really a first) and not even bidding Jaehyun goodbye. Hell, he didn't even get his goodbye kiss! His cheeks flared up as he recounted the events from last night, each kiss still feeling like the first. Doyoung felt like some generic highschool girl gushing over her crush. He almost gagged at the idea. Friends can kiss, right? It's perfectly normal. 

  
Doyoung heard an obnoxious ding from his phone. He grabbed his device from the other end of the couch and saw a text message from none other than Jaehyun himself. Doyoung tried to calm the harsh beating of his heart and opened the message. It was nothing more than just a simple text, definitely not worth freaking out about. 

  
**From: Jaehyunnie** **♡**

**Good morning :)**

**you fell asleep in my car again yesterday so i carried you all the way home i didn’t think you would be that tired get tons of rest & dont forget to eat ok ** **😡**

Okay so maybe he was just a tiny bit in love with Jaehyun. Completely harmless. So what if he’s been pinning on him for years now? He’ll get over it (he hopes). He sighed one last time before finally deciding to prepare for his morning classes.

__

  
“No way! Another one?” 

  
“That’s the third one this week and it’s only Tuesday!” Doyoung heard Sicheng and Yuta exclaim as he neared the table. “It not that big of a deal.” Jaehyun smiled uncomfortably while poking his food, clearly uninterested. Doyoung saw three pink envelopes and only then did he remember what those were. _Ah yes, the love letters_. Jaehyun has been getting countless love letters recently. If not written then verbal love confessions. They’ve been growing in number over time. Doyoung has at least seen six of them and had to witness Jaehyun reject every single one. He even has a drawer where he keeps them because he just doesn’t have the heart to throw them. Doyoung wasn’t envious of Jaehyun's admirers. If anything, he was jealous of the fact that these people were brave enough to be able to face getting rejected and come to terms with their feelings but, he knows that none of them can even come near to how deep Doyoung's feelings are for the other. He hates being emotionally constipated. “Dude, you should accept at least one of these. Y’know, give it a sho-“ Taeyong roughly elbowed Yuta on the stomach before he can finish his sentence making him groan in pain. “What’d you do that for?” A look of realization washed over both Sicheng and Yuta's face as soon as they saw Doyoung approaching. 

  
“Yeah, I think you should give it a shot too.” Doyoung tried to sound as casual and not choked while he said that. It pained him to say that and at the same time he felt like maybe it was time for both of them to move on or maybe he was hindering Jaehyun from actually pursuing who he wants just because of their thing. Everyone’s eyes look like they were about to roll out of their sockets like pieces of dice even Jaehyun's. His mouth was agape as if looking for the right words to respond. Doyoung didn’t miss the slight flash of hurt on Jaehyun's expression. Doyoung has no idea how it seems like their thing became common knowledge when it was supposed to be only between him and Jaehyun. The only culprit that Doyoung could think of was Taeyong or maybe he really was just that obvious. 

  
“You do?” 

  
“You do?” 

  
“Yes, I think so,” Doyoung glanced at Taeyong and Sicheng. “I mean there’s no harm in trying.” Doyoung shrugged, trying to look unbothered. Jaehyun looked down, his mouth shaped like an ‘o’. He was uncharacteristically quiet. Doyoung doesn’t get it. Wasn’t he supposed to be happy that he was finally going to be able to be in a serious relationship? 

  
“I’ll keep that in mind, I guess.” Was Jaehyun's reply.

  
Taeyong coughed, trying to dissipate the awkward tension in the air. 

“Hey, come join us. There’s still plenty of room and time left.” Taeyong invited casually, interrupting Doyoung's train of thoughts. “Uh, actually I can’t join you guys today. I have to finish this uh case study for my Accounting subject. Yeah, really urgent. I have to go.” Doyoung rubbed his nape sheepishly, hoping it would look convincing enough especially for Taeyong. Doyoung hated lying but maybe just this one time he’ll let himself slide. He just really wanted some time by himself. Besides, he doesn’t think he can sit through the entire time of them reading some random person’s love letter. Jaehyun's expression looked almost sad and disappointed while Taeyong just looked at him suspiciously. “Okay, cool. Next time then. See you at the dorm.” Taeyong just waved him off much to Doyoung's relief, knowing that now wasn’t the time to pry. Unfortunately though, Jaehyun seems to have picked up on Doyoung's sudden mood change but made no move to investigate it further. Doyoung ruffled Yuta's hair because he knows it irritates him and even muttered some teases just to make his excuse seem more genuine. 

Jaehyun watched Doyoung's retreating form until he left the cafeteria. “What was that all about?” Sicheng asked. “He literally likes you. As in _like_ like.” Jaehyun heard Sicheng say as he munched on his food. Jaehyun has never whipped his head so fast in his life. He felt the heat rush to the tip of his ears. “What makes you say that? He literally just pushed me away.” Jaehyun wasn’t angry, he was just confused. Doyoung reciprocating his feelings would be great. It’s all that he would ever ask the world for but it just seemed so impossible. It wasn’t that he doesn’t see a future with the older but just that thought alone scares him: the future. He’s afraid that taking this relationship they have one step further might be the reason for its downfall. He rather have it as it is, without such a risk and Doyoung pushing him to a different relationship just confirms it even more. “I saw his expression did a 180 when he saw those love letters.” Sicheng pointed out. 

“Maybe he just woke up at the wrong side of the bed?” Jaehyun suggested, convincing himself more than anyone in this room to be honest. “God, you both are so dense. One of you has to make a move already. Don’t think that I don’t hear you both entering and leaving the dorms every 1’o clock in the morning.” Taeyong piped in, mid-chewing on his sandwhich making Jaehyun's eyes widen. Okay, maybe Taeyong being a light sleeper wasn’t a good thing.

“He’s not going to wait for you forever, y’know.” Jaehyun hates it when he knows Taeyong is right. 

__

Doyoung spent the rest of the day trying to avoid Jaehyun as much as possible. Every time he saw the familiar brown mop of hair at least a meter near he would scurry away to the bathroom or enter some random room occupying himself with literally anything. He was successful to say the least. Running away from his problems is a skill that he has acquired over the years of pinning on Jaehyun, not to flex or anything. The school day was just about over but Doyoung decided to stop by the cafe this time which was frequented less by the students in their campus. He didn’t want to risk accidentally running into Jaehyun and the rest of his friends even though he knows he’s going to have to deal with Taeyong sooner than later. 

  
The bells chimed when Doyoung pushed open the door of the cafe. He inhaled the sweet and inviting aroma of coffee mixed with what seems to be freshly baked bread. He felt relaxed already. He put down his things on a table near the window before going to the counter to order a latte. He was reading the menu and weighing his options when a tall guy suddenly blocked his view. 

  
“Hello! What will be your order, sir?” The man said with an overly cheery voice but not the annoying type.

  
Doyoung looked at the barista that was at least ten inches taller than he is. A toothy and friendly grin was plastered on his face as he looked back at Doyoung in anticipation. Doyoung realized that he was probably staring for too long and that the barista was still waiting for his order. 

  
“O-Oh yeah. Sorry. I’ll have a regular size mocha latte please.” Doyoung may have said it a bit too fast but the barista seemed like he understood nonetheless. He punched in some stuff into the registrar, collecting Doyoung's payment and then giving him the receipt afterwards.

  
“What’s your name, sir?” The barista asked while preparing his drink. 

  
“Huh, me?”

  
“I don’t see any other person behind you, sir.” The barista laughed a bit. Not in a bullying making-fun-of-your-misfortune way rather in a fond lighthearted way. 

  
“Oh yeah. Right. It’s Doyoung.”

  
Doyoung almost face palmed himself for his stupidity. He wanted to punch himself out of existence. He has no idea why on earth he was so nervous. It’s not like it’s his first time to order a latte. He felt his heart hammering inside his rib cage for some reason. The barista just had an aura on him that made Doyoung's knees and heart weak and yet it allured him.

Suddenly his name was called, interrupting him from his train of thoughts. The barista repeated his order and he nodded in confirmation. Doyoung took ahold of his drink and immediately drank from it. 

  
“What did you say your name was again?” The barista asked, making a face to make it look like he was genuinely racking inside his brain for the answer even though it was quite obvious he already knew. 

Doyoung looked up with wide shocked eyes and was met with the warm brown ones of the barista. Doyoung almost spit out his drink. He knew that the barista definitely still remembers his name. He literally wrote it on his cup and called him just a minute ago. But he complied anyways. 

  
“Doyoung.” 

  
“Cool. My name’s Youngho,” He pointed on his name tag. “You can call me Johnny though and hopefully my phone as well.” Johnny winked at him before attending to a different customer. Doyoung did not have the time nor the capability to form a coherent sentence as a response so instead he just stood there, with his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. He looked closely on the side of his cup and sure enough there was a set of digits written along with a tiny smiley face. 

  
On Doyoung's way home, he made sure to contact Johnny immediately. Johnny picked up as soon as he dialed his number. They clicked instantly and talked for on and on. It seems like they knew each other for years now even though they only just met hours ago. Doyoung discovered that Johnny was actually going to the same college that he is but has a different schedule due to his part time job. He was majoring in journalism and made being a barista a hobby. Also, he was from Chicago but just wanted to explore and travel to different countries. What surprised him the most was the fact that he was only a year older than him. It was pretty hard to notice considering his towering height but Doyoung soon discovered that Johnny was just a bundle of softness and had a personality of a plushie. Johnny was nice too. When Doyoung can’t reply he filled in casually and rambled while Doyoung just listened and made sure to add in his own inputs from time to time. 

  
His phone was almost dead by this point because of how long he and Johnny have been talking so he had to say his goodbyes and made a promise to text him later on. When he opened the door however, Taeyong fell in, not even hiding the fact that he was eavesdropping. "Who's Johnny?” Taeyong asked incredulously. 

  
“Why were you eavesdropping?” Doyoung bit back making Taeyong's eyes roll. Taeyong dragged Doyoung inside with a grunt then blocked the door. 

  
“So?” Taeyong raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms.

“What?” Doyoung replied and grumbled like a stubborn six-year old.

  
“Tell me about Johnny, duh. Are you over Jaehyun? That fast?” Doyoung's eyes were probably going to go to the very back of his head with how much he was rolling it. 

  
“Does it ever cross your mind that there are some information that I want to keep to myself?” 

  
“No, now tell me.” No matter how much they argued they both know Doyoung is always going to end up giving in anyway. 

  
“Fine. I met him at the cafe earlier and he was chill. That’s it.” Doyoung raised his hands up in defeat, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. His worksheet was not going to do itself. 

  
“Okay,” Doyoung almost fist bumped in the air with how happy he is. “But what was the thing all about earlier, what you said at the cafeteria?” Almost. Taeyong's tone became more serious this time though. “Uh, well, y’know,” Taeyong just looked back at him softly while he continuously fumbled with his words, a habit that he has developed every time he was nervous. “Okay, I just thought that maybe it’s time for us to move on from our thing. I feel like I’m hindering him from getting in a relationship, y’know?” Doyoung bit his lip, chewing on it nervously. 

  
“Well, you don’t know that y-“ Before Taeyong could even finish his sentence, Doyoung's cellphone rang. Doyoung didn’t even hesitate to answer it, knowing that it was most likely Johnny and he was right. Taeyong knows that this conversation was over for now. Doyoung rejoiced internally because he has escaped once again.

  
Doyoung barely felt the hour pass by, too immersed in their conversation. Johnny was the one who bid his farewells first this time, knowing that neither of them will get any work done at the rate that they were going. Johnny did invite him to have coffee some time though and who was Doyoung to say no? Just as he ended the call, he received a message and to make matters worse, it was from Jaehyun. He hesitated before reading the text. 

  
**From: Jaehyunnie** **♡**

  
**Hey are you free this Tuesday? Same place & time?? **

  
Doyoung completely forgot about their thing. But, he already said yes to Johnny first and at the same time he doesn’t have the heart to say no to Jaehyun. _I'm sure saying no this one time wouldn’t hurt, right?_ Doyoung nodded to himself and sent a vague reply about being busy. Thankfully enough, Jaehyun seems to believe his poor excuse. Doyoung felt horrible for lying, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his gut. 

__

This was about the fourth time Doyoung has cancelled on him with the same excuse. Jaehyun wasn’t mad per se, he was just puzzled and lost. He feels an unspoken tension between them ever since that day at the cafeteria. Anyone with two eyes can see that the latter was avoiding him throughout the duration of that day as well. He tried several times to reach out but Doyoung just seems to be getting farther and farther from him. He also noticed how Doyoung hangs out with Johnny more every time he says he's 'busy'. Hell, he only knew about Johnny because Taeyong told him when he went to their dorm, asking where the younger could be after he bailed out on him without any foreword. He waited in front of Doyoung's building for two whole hours before Sicheng had to literally drag him back to their dorm at the ass crack of dawn. He even tried getting a hold of Doyoung's schedule in hopes to find some clarity of what their relationship status is but to no avail unfortunately.

  
“ ** _Oh yeah. He must be out with Johnny again.” Taeyong replied all too casually, flopping unceremoniously on the couch. Wait, Johnny? Doyoung hasn’t mentioned anyone to him. And what does the ‘again’ even mean? He wasn’t possessive nor the jealousy type but he can’t even remember the last time they hung out and he just misses Doyoung so much. More than that, Doyoung was fabricating lies just to avoid spending time with him. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to process that information._**

  
**_“Johnny?”_ **

**_“Oh? I’m surprised he hasn’t told you,” Oh believe Jaehyun, he was surprised, astonished, every other word that’s synonymous to it. He was more shocked than anyone. “Doyoung told me they met at the cafe near the campus or something. Ever since then they kinda just always hang out. He barely even stays here anymore. Just stops by to eat, ask how I’m doing, sometimes sleep or maybe get some change of clothes.”_ **

  
Jaehyun knows that he’s not required to know every single thing that is going on in Doyoung's life nor stop him from engaging in new relationships especially since they’re not even in a relationship but he just wants to know why. Why the sudden change? Why was he trying to erase Jaehyun from his life? It hurts. A lot. It feels like his heart is being jabbed by multiple thorns. He’s not against Doyoung and Johnny having a relationship if ever they are in one. In fact, he doesn’t mind at all. Well, yeah, it’ll be fucking torturous for him but all he wants is for Doyoung to be happy even if it’s not with him. He just doesn’t want to be completely out of Doyoung's life as if he were just some stranger. He can’t possibly live with that. 

  
After much thought, Jaehyun decided to leave their dorm. Jaehyun sighed as Taeyong told him the same thing every Tuesday that he visits: “Doyoung's not here.” Today is really no different. He bid Taeyong goodbye and thanked him. He stepped out of the door and visibly deflated as soon as he closed it. _Maybe it’s time I give up._ Jaehyun thought, walking all the way to the elevator and when he heard it ding lo and behold stood there was Doyoung and someone he hasn’t seen before which was most likely Johnny. Doyoung was clutching his stomach from laughing too hard, his eyes crinkling into crescents from something that Johnny probably said. 

  
“If you weren’t a barista I think you’d do great as a stand-up comedian, Johnny.” Doyoung wheezed out in between fits of laughter. Okay, so that pretty much answered Jaehyun's queries. Johnny was laughing along just as loud, wrapping an arm around the younger in the process. He was tall, had chestnut hair with a bright smile in display. Jaehyun could see why Doyoung would take an interest in him. Jaehyun blinked his eyes repeatedly, his brain was screaming at him to run before he had a chance to be seen but his feet were glued in place. His pupils were shaking, his heart rate started picking up it’s pace making his breaths more raggedy. Doyoung and Johnny suddenly turned their heads around, finally acknowledging his presence by now. Only then did Jaehyun finally run. The amount of shock on Doyoung's face was comical. Maybe if he wasn’t feeling tremendous pain he would be capturing it with his phone. He ran as fast as he can. The stairs seemed like a better option right now even if he was four floors up. He was waiting for a voice to call out for him but it never came. He didn’t even know he was crying till his vision started to blur and he felt something wet dripping on his cheeks. He finally stopped running when he reached the ground floor. He was panting and sweating, his lungs were constricting. Probably the side effect of not having any physical activity whatsoever. He rushed towards the bathroom, opening an empty stall and then locking it shut. Kinda cliché, Jaehyun thought. He was crying in the bathroom like those main characters in highschool films who eventually have some sort of major character development arc except he was probably just one of those side characters that served no purpose to the plot at all. He tried laughing brokenly despite his aching heart. Instead, he let out something close to a wheeze or a choking sound. He can't believe it. He was right. Doyoung has replaced him. He grabbed his phone from his pocket, shakily dialing Sicheng's number. He doesn’t think he can go back to his dorm without not-so-accidentally letting himself be run over by a truck in the middle of the road.

“Hello? Jaehyun? Where are you? Didn’t class end an hour ago?” Sicheng asked worriedly. He heard some rustling and fumbling in the background. He was most likely getting ready to get Jaehyun wherever he was even if he hasn’t even said anything yet. 

  
“Can you come pick me up? I’m at Taeyong's. Ground floor, bathroom.” Jaehyun wanted to kick himself for his croaky voice. Sicheng could probably tell that he had been crying which he was trying to avoid. 

  
“Of course. I’ll be there in 10.” Sicheng answered without any hesitation. He muttered a small ‘thank you’ before ending the call. He let out a shaky sigh, his breathing still a bit labored. He was glad to have Sicheng as a friend. He probably sensed that something was wrong but Jaehyun didn’t want to talk about it yet so he didn’t pry. At least for now. He honestly couldn’t tell the difference of his chest being painful because of heartbreak or he might literally be going through cardiac arrest without knowing it. He suddenly heard the door open and a faint ‘Jaehyun?’ He unlocked the stall and allowed Sicheng to engulf him in a hug. Jaehyun sniffled, his eyes refusing to pour any more tears. He let go after a couple of seconds and went to the sink to rinse off the snot and to at least make himself look a bit more presentable. Jaehyun stared at his disheveled state, continuously wiping his face, hoping it would take the blotchiness of his eyes away. 

  
_Wow, I’m a mess._

  
He brushed off the rest of his thoughts and wiped his face one last time. Sicheng went out first, telling Jaehyun where he parked. Jaehyun hummed and gripped on his backpack tighter, heaving one last sigh before going towards the parking lot as well, not sparing a single glance behind him. Sicheng already started the car when he got there, playing some upbeat RnB on the car stereo. Jaehyun sat down on the passenger seat, looking beyond the window driving past the campus, tuning out the song. Jaehyun realized that they were definitely headed somewhere else, away from the origin of Jaehyun's problems. Sicheng was somehow telepathic and went to a Mcdonalds drive through which was Jaehyun's comfort food. He ordered a Big Mac with fries, a large soda and a sundae. It was going to be one of those nights again, Jaehyun predicts. Where they would talk about everything and nothing, just opening up without worrying about being judged or the consequences that might come at the Mcdonalds parking lot. What happens in the parking lot, stays in the parking lot. He remembered one of the employees kicking them out once before for staying way too long that it became suspicious. 

  
He’s only been rooming with him for less than a year but it seems like Sicheng exactly knows how to confront Jaehyun or give the right advice depending on the situation. Perks of having a psychology major as a roommate Jaehyun guessed. “So?” Sicheng started and munched on a fry. “So.” Jaehyun replied and took a bite of his Big Mac, trying to ignore the subject of discussion which were his feelings. Most importantly, feelings for Doyoung. “Just let it out, buddy.” Sicheng patted him on the shoulder and Jaehyun sighed, feeling the weight on his shoulders slightly lessen. He gnawed on his lips.“I don’t even know where to start.” And that was all it took for Jaehyun to start bawling his eyes out again. 

  
“He was just there you know, in my hoodie, looking all pocket-sized,” Jaehyun started gesturing with his hands wildly and putting his index finger and his thumb near where it's almost touching as if describing Doyoung's height. Ten was not getting paid enough to do this but it’s a good thing they’re friends. “God, he was the first one who asked to even kiss me and I agreed because how the heck was I supposed to say no to him? It felt fucking amazing, y’know?” Jaehyun had this big grin on his lips as he recounted those long nights spent with Doyoung, daydreaming of becoming something more. He rambled while Sicheng listened. He grabbed a cigarette from his back pocket, lighting it midway through his ramble. Jaehyun knows how much Sicheng really hated his habit of smoking and even tried coaxing him once to grow out of it but alas he failed. Sicheng still tried to warn him about the several health conditions nicotine induces but Jaehyun always waves him off. On nights like this though, Sicheng just allows him. He knows that it was his way of calming himself down even if it wasn’t the healthiest way and for that Jaehyun was grateful. Sicheng was eating his fries quietly but showed signs that he was definitely paying attention. He responded with small hums and nodded his head or decided to add in his own inputs in between some of them. It felt nice to be open for once since Jaehyun knew he was the type of person to be silent about his emotions or what he was thinking, carrying everything on his own till he just blows up.

  
Midway through Jaehyun's rant, his expression suddenly dropped. “Then, last week, he just started drifting away. I don’t know why he was so insistent on replacing me. I don’t even know what I did wrong. It started with making up excuses to just blatantly ignoring me like I was just the wind whooshing by.” Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair, letting out a frustrated sigh. 

  
“Y’know, I would rather have us back on square one: best friends. At least then our feelings weren’t tangled. It might be better if I just stapled my mouth shut, maybe then it would hurt less when he does this. He makes it seem like we went through nothing like I‘m nothing to him anymore, y’know?” Another tear found it’s way rolling down on Jaehyun's cheek. He wiped it away furiously, anger blooming in his chest.

  
“Maybe it’s time you both have some space to figure this out. Then, you can talk to him and sort all of this mess.” Sicheng smiled at him sympathetically and squeezed his shoulder as a small act of comfort. Jaehyun only nodded. He was afraid that he was going to end up sobbing again once he opens his mouth.

  
Sicheng has finished his large fries by this point and Jaehyun was done letting out the whirlwind that were his thoughts. They finally left the parking lot and drove back to the campus. As soon as he entered the dorm, he gave Sicheng one last thank you before diving into his bed, face first. Jaehyun groaned in satisfaction as soon as he landed, sleep immediately consuming him the moment he closed his eyes. 

__

  
_Okay, okay. This is it._ To say Doyoung was nervous would be an understatement. He was fucking terrified. This could go wrong in more ways than one even if he knows that Johnny has a heart of gold and wouldn’t humiliate him under any given circumstance. It’s been about a month since they started hanging out and Doyoung thought that maybe it was time to finally fess up to Johnny. Honestly, he was still a bit jumbled from his not-so-great meeting with Jaehyun earlier and he knows that Johnny is aware of that because of how much he would ramble about him. But, today just felt right and he doesn’t want that unfortunate interaction to ruin it. 

  
He let out a shaky breath before going to where Johnny was. Johnny was dressed in a plain white shirt and some black sweatpants. His hair wasn’t even styled and just fanned over his face. His eyebrows were knitted while he was playing Candy Crush with a pout residing on his lips. “Johnny, I‘ve been meaning to tell you something.” Doyoung gulped while fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket. Johnny matched one last combo before inevitably winning that level. Then, he turned to Doyoung, his face etched with concern. 

“What’s wrong?” Johnny asked with a serious tone. Doyoung took one last deep breath before just letting it out.

  
“Okay, y’know how we’ve known each other for a little bit over a month?“ Johnny nodded. “Well, you’ve really helped me deal with my feelings and personal problems. You make me happy and I certainly treasure all of the memories that we’ve made thus far. What I’m trying to say is that Ireallyreallylikeyouandwouldyouliketogooutwithme?” Doyoung rushed. He’s not even sure if he breathed while saying it. He squeezed his eyes shut while saying it, too embarrassed to face the other. Thankfully he seems to understand the gibberish that Doyoung said. “Oh, Doyoung. You know I can’t, right?” 

Doyoung opened his eyes this time and was met with Johnny's apologetic expression. He frowned. He swears he heard his heart shatter on the spot.

  
“What, why not?” Doyoung argued, his voice cracking. 

  
“I know you like Jaehyun and-“ Johnny tried to reason. 

“But, I’m over him, I swear!” Doyoung refuted, starting to get defensive. His resolve was starting to crumble bit by bit. Maybe he shouldn't have admitted that he liked Jaehyun. 

  
“Listen, you literally talk about him all the time every time we hang out. Hey me and Jaehyun used to go to that ice cream parlor, Me and Jaehyun loved going to that park and all of that and I’m not against it but I know you still have feelings for him. I feel like you’re using me as a distraction and I’m not mad-“ Johnny tried explaining.

  
“You aren’t just a distraction. I do like you.” Doyoung interrupted. His heart was hammering inside his chest and there were tears threatening to fall from his eyes. 

“Listen, I like you too. Ever since day one but every time you talk about Jaehyun your eyes sparkle, I’m sure you’re not even aware of this, but you genuinely smile and I can see that you’re in love with him. I can feel that your heart is with him. He’s all that you ever talk about and you know what? I think that’s cute and I hope that I can find someone who makes me happy like that too. What you have with Jaehyun is special and something that you should value. It’s more than just friendship and definitely can’t be described as something as simple as being boyfriends.” Johnny continued, elaborating with a calm tone. 

  
“If you like me too then why can’t we be together?” Doyoung pleaded, he was literally in hystericals but he could care less. 

  
“Because you can’t love me the way I love you. Doyoung, let’s be real here. I don’t want either of us to make the mistake of pretending that we love each other when we don’t. 

  
We’ve been hanging out for only a month please think about it. Maybe you’re infatuated and I’m not mad at you for it. I just want you to realize that it’s not too late.” Johnny hit all of the right spots. Doyoung was already full on crying, unable to stop the flow of his tears, flooded with the wave of his emotions. He wiped his eyes, soaking the sleeves of his jacket. Doyoung scanned his entire brain, trying to come up with anything to argue back but alas, he has come up with nothing because Johnny was right. Silence surfaced the room and only Doyoung's broken sobs can be heard. After avoiding Taeyong's confrontations for so long, all of this was only sinking in now. Johnny suddenly engulfed him in a hug, wrapping his arms around the younger tight. Doyoung didn’t fight back and allowed his tears to soak Johnny's shirt, curling his fists at his sides in frustration.

  
“It’s time you consult him about this. Think about it from both sides of the story. I know that you’ve been pinning on him and that it’s deep and it hurts a lot but you have to understand that he might be going through the same thing.” Johnny broke the silence, trying to console Doyoung. 

  
“You can’t keep on running and expect someone to chase you. Jaehyun isn’t telepathic. He won’t know what’s wrong unless you tell him.” Johnny stated firmly. Doyoung's cries have gone softer till it eventually came to a stop. Doyoung was thankful that he was surrounded with good people that care for him. God, he doesn’t even think he deserves Johnny at all. “Say, why don’t you text him maybe a week from now and talk it over. I’m sure you still both need some space to think but you can’t wait forever. We can hang out in the mean time and I’ll bring your favorite dessert from the cafe on the house.” Johnny suggested. Doyoung hugged him tighter, mumbling a small ‘thank you’ through Johnny's shirt.

__

“Goddamn it, Jaehyun. It’s been a week. I am so tired of hearing Matty sing Somebody Else. I don’t hate the song, I just really don’t like it to be bass boosted for 24 hours everyday.” Sicheng complained, yanking Jaehyun's blanket away from him in the process. Jaehyun scoffed, looking away from Sicheng and curling up tighter. Jaehyun was a mess. His hair was tousled and he was still wearing the same sweatpants and shirt for the past three days. Tear tracks were always evident on his cheeks, his eyes puffy. His sleeping and eating schedule were practically non-existent. He would either get no sleep and food at all or eat too much and sleep for the whole day. He was already finding it difficult to focus on his studies, his mind always drifting to the same person. “I know you’re heartbroken but this is the third noise complaint I received and I don’t want to be kicked out just because my best friend is going through his youtuber’s ‘I’m in a dark place’ phase.” Sicheng nagged, hoisting Jaehyun to sit up. Jaehyun grumbled but complied wordlessly, pulling his knees close to his chest. “Okay, you are going to take a good thirty minute shower and eat the healthy breakfast that I cooked for us. Just because you’re heartbroken doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. Rejected or not, you must move on with your life.” Sicheng really sounded like a mom but Jaehyun didn’t have the energy to tease him. 

  
“Sicheng, you don’t get it. He’s my world what-“ Sicheng shushed him before he can even finish his sentence, putting his finger in front of Jaehyun's lips. Jaehyun swatted it away, yelling a loud ‘gross!’ before wiping his mouth. “I don’t wanna hear it.” Sicheng says finally before heading back to the kitchen. Sicheng just didn’t get it. Him and Doyoung had absolutely no contact at all for the duration of the week and it’s been the most agonizing time of his entire life. Jaehyun doesn’t even know why he expected to get a text or a call from the other. Maybe he should’ve initiated first but he was tired of always adjusting and making the first move.

  
Speaking of text messages, Jaehyun suddenly heard a ding from his phone. A text notification popped up and when he saw the contact name he swears his soul almost left his body. 

  
**From: Doyoungie-hyung :)**

  
**Hey**

**I think we need to talk**

**Same place maybe around 10pm**

**Im sorry.**

  
Jaehyun admits that he’s a weak bitch which is why he sent a short and impulsive ‘yes’ to Doyoung the minute he read the text. He took a shower for a good thirty minutes just like what Sicheng told him and rummaged through his wardrobe that had no variety. He wore his red hoodie, pulling the hood to hide his slightly curly hair and pushed back his glasses because he was too lazy to wear his contacts today. He grabbed his phone and car keys, slipped into his sneakers and rushed towards the dining table. He took one slice of toast and sipped from Sicheng's mug of coffee before heading out because he realized that he didn’t want to waste his tuition and hard work all because of his moping. The time was ticking agonizingly slow, every second passing by was dreadful. His mind can’t stop drifting to what might happen later that night. He thought of every single possibility there is, both good and bad though mostly bad. He tried focusing on the subjects at hand but his mind and soul is literally in another dimension. Thankfully enough, Jaehyun managed to survive the day. The next thing he knows he’s already on his way home. The sun was already starting to set when Jaehyun drove back. The hues in the sky mixed forming a beautiful gradient of warm and cold colors. Jaehyun's head was spiraling throughout the entire time. He’s not sure if he’s ready to confront everything just yet. Either he has to accept whatever what was to come or let it go with no hesitation. When he got to their dorm, surprisingly, Sicheng wasn’t there yet. Jaehyun shrugged it off, not thinking too much of it. It was a bummer since he had to prepare his own dinner instead of coming home to Sicheng's five-star meals. He had no plans of burning down the kitchen yet which is why he cooked some instant ramen instead, regardless of the high sodium intake he already had just this week. Jaehyun's leg bounced up and down as he consumed his dinner. He kept on glancing at the clock as it ticked, striking 8:05pm. Jaehyun felt restless which is why he also decided to go to their meet-up two hours early, assuming it would ease his bundle of nerves. He threw the empty container of ramen and grabbed his car keys once again before twisting the door knob and pulling it open. 

  
His breath hitched the moment the door swung open. Standing in front of his doorstep was Doyoung, of course. He looked like he was about to knock but stopped mid-motion. He was dressed in the white sweatshirt Jaehyun gave (lent but was never returned) to him. His hair was all over the place, showing evident signs that his hand has ran through it more times than he can count, another habit that Jaehyun noticed he has developed every time he was contemplative. Jaehyun's eyes were blown wide in shock, blinking furiously, still trying to process whether or not this was actually happening. They stood there in awkward silence for a good minute, neither of them knowing where to start. 

  
“I think-“

  
“I think-“ 

  
They both spoke at the same time and closed their mouths shut just as fast. Jaehyun cleared his throat, signaling for Doyoung to speak first. Doyoung took a deep breath before letting it out. 

  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you away even though it really seemed that way. I just didn’t want whatever it is we have to stop you from getting into a serious relationship.” Doyoung confessed, his heart beating faster than ever now that he’s slowly letting the truth out. 

  
“Is it because of those letters?” Jaehyun replied instead, his face stoic and a bit unpredictable though his eyes held melancholy. Doyoung nodded hesitantly and continued. “I just feel like those people deserve you and the love you’re willing to give more than I ever will.”

  
Pin drop silence surfaced the air. It wasn’t the type of comfortable silence that they shared on their way home after a long Tuesday night where it was warm and homey almost. This time it was tense and somewhat emotional. Both of them were walking on thin ice, trying to land on the right place in order to not end up getting hurt or even worse, saying things they’ll regret. It was a wonder why Jaehyun didn’t invite him inside since it looks kinda awkward with both of them just standing there in silence but Doyoung knows it's not his place to complain nor is it of any importance.

  
“What are we?” Jaehyun asked all of a sudden, his eyes sparkling with hope now, staring right into Doyoung. What were they? Doyoung doesn’t know either. He could try searching it on yahoo answers, google or any search engine but he knows that he will never find a definite answer. The right answer. Throughout their meaningful time together Doyoung thought of them as friends at first, practically attached by the hip which is why they ended up in the same university in the first place. He honestly can’t remember the time when Jaehyun wasn’t in his life. If he were to describe it, it was simply colorless and boring. Whatever relationship it is that they have developed can’t simply be described as being friends or lovers because it goes way deeper than that. Jaehyun trusts him and Doyoung does too. If Jaehyun were to jump off a cliff, Doyoung would would follow him in a heartbeat. They were there for each other during the toughest moments of their lives and during the happiest ones as well. Like when Jaehyun got dumped with Cola on their prom night. Doyoung immediately started a fist fight despite not knowing how to actually throw punches and they were sent to the infirmary with bruises littered around their bodies. Or that one time when Doyoung's teacher practically insulted his singing skills. Jaehyun went on a long ass tangent about how Doyoung probably had more talent than that woman ever had in her 56 years of life. They were sent to the principal’s office and was given a particularly low grade right after. If theres one thing Doyoung could remember from all of these it’s that he went through all of these with Jaehyun laughing with him, crying with him. Everything was just with him period. If Jaehyun was Patrocolus then Doyoung would be Achilles who wouldn’t hesitate to follow him to the ends of the world. But all of this dots down to that one question: what were they? 

  
“What do you want us to be?” Doyoung returns the question. His voice was light, careful. Jaehyun steps closer till Doyoung could feel his breath fan over his lips. 

  
"I just want to be with you." Was Jaehyun's reply, his gaze lingering on Doyoung's lips.

  
"Me too." Doyoung responded, his voice barely above a whisper. He let his eyes land on Jaehyun's lips as well before fluttering them close and finally kissed Jaehyun. Jaehyun kissed him back and snaked an arm around his waist while Doyoung simply placed his hands on top of Jaehyun's chest, feeling his heart beat. 

This kiss felt different from their previous ones because it held meaning. It held all the words they couldn't say. The I'm sorry's, I miss you's, how are you's and most importantly their I love you's. It serves as a symbol of their longing and undying love for each other. Doyoung has been wanting to do this for so long that he can't help but sigh through the kiss as Jaehyun explored his mouth with his tongue, letting himself drown with the taste of Jaehyun's lips on his. 

They eventually parted for some air. Doyoung wasted no time in engulfing Jaehyun in a tight embrace. Jaehyun stood there in shock for a while before placing his head on the crook of Doyoung's neck and hugging him back. He took in Doyoung's scent and warmth, feeling home at last in Doyoung's arms. 

"I missed you so, so much." Jaehyun murmured against Doyoung's shoulder, refusing to let him go, feeling afraid at the thought of losing him again. He let a tear slip from his eye, breathing shakily as Doyoung rubbed his back in attempts to comfort him.

"I missed you too, Jae, more than you can imagine." Doyoung choked out, finally mustering enough courage to look at Jaehyun in the eye again. 

"I love you." Doyoung said, cupping Jaehyun's cheeks while smiling softly, his eyes glassy from unshed tears. 

"I love you too, Doie." Jaehyun kissed Doyoung gently on the lips this time. Doyoung could feel Jaehyun's lips curl upwards and can't help but grin from ear to ear too. They eventually just settled with putting their foreheads together and basking in each other's love, not caring about the fact that they were still pretty much in Jaehyun's doorstep. 

"Please don't leave me again." Jaehyun spoke, his voice cracking, staring at Doyoung, his eyes begging. Doyoung pecked him on the nose and looked at him with reassurance.

"Never."

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/yunocock?s=09)   
>  [au acc](https://twitter.com/eboymrk?s=09)


End file.
